Survival at sea….a bee story

I never thought I’d be writing a survival story….especially while motoring in no wind or seas with a boat full of food and a fridge full of cold bebidas….but I am, and it all started with a bee.

CB and I do 3 hour shifts, I had just started my afternoon shift just of the coast of Guatemala when a bee landed on a Nalgene bottle in our cup holder. The bottle contained aqua fresca (a drink CB makes containing fresh limes, water and sugar) and I couldn’t fault the little dude…that’s one refreshing drink, and he was probably blown off shore and thirsty…this was a failure on my part. Next thing I know the little bastard sends an all wings on deck call out to his homies and I see this swarm coming at our boat. I hate bugs…so this upsets me greatly. They started coming in waves and I had just finished taking a shower on deck. So I was drenched, nekkid and batting bees off me who wanted water! I grabbed a can of Off from the dodger pocket and started spraying away. This did not have the desired affect as the bees started swarming everything covered in the Off. CB who was asleep in the aft cabin smelled the Off and wondered where the orange smell was coming from and why there was a crazy lady spinning and swatting in the cockpit. I got down below and was trying to put in screens as they were headed down below. I was screaming at CB about bee attack and he looked confused until three landed in the window. I was batting them out of the companion way hatch and trying to get the screen in when CB pushed me out into the cockpit and sealed the screen…with him down below of course…with the food and cold bebidas. I was swarmed again and ran to the front of the boat where fewer bees were….still nekkid, but armed with a sarong and a towel. All thoughts in my mind are to the X-files movie Fight the Future…look what happened to Scully when she was stung! So while batting away bees and covering up in the sarong…I attempted to seek shelter from the sweltering sun…oh, I also had my cup of coffee. CB handed me a bottle of fizzy water…worried about my survival situation…but in reality for me to drink it so he could make a bee trap out of the bottle. As I waved my towel above my head to shoo away the bees and drank my fizzy water and coffee, I felt the searing sun on my back and shoulders…the bees had now taken over mid ships and I was forced to the bow sprit. I sat down and clipped the towel to the sides of the pulpit to create a shelter from the sun.

Meanwhile, CB was below making bee traps an killing bees with the swatter. With two traps deployed in the cockpit, the bees abandoned their front lines and moved back to the traps. My situation improved and I was able to grab my clothing. Then CB, who was busily swatting bees from under the screen (still down below) suggested that I go back to the cockpit and remove the Nalgene because it was distracting some bees from the trap. WHAAAT! You do it I say…he said he was guarding the inside of the boat:-\ So I take down my shelter and wrap myself in a towel and made my way back to the swarm…I tied a bowline around the loop in the Nalgene and flung the thing overboard and ran back to my shelter. This was the turning point in the war…now all the bees were focused on the traps and plunged to their death. Their stupid bee brothers looked down into the trap and thought nothing of the death and mayhem below and just plunged on in…take that bees! Whoever said bees are endangered are dead wrong…they just all retired to Guatemala.

I survived my ordeal and am living to tell the story. If ever you find yourself off the coast of Guatemala and are attacked by bees, build one of these handy devices, it may just save your life!

Take a drinks bottle, cut off the top, invert it inside the bottom and add sugar water. The bee can get in, but something to do with the way their eyes work prohibits them from flying out…good stuff!